A few memories of a werewolf named Jared
by OBDSW
Summary: Yup, I know the title sucks. Sorry about that. Anyway, this is a collection of oneshots about the werewolf Jared. I will add more once I get some time to think about some werewolf related events from Jared's point of view. Oneshot four is up!
1. Phasing back

I could feel the warm, salty tears running down my already blistering hot cheeks. It was too late to stop myself. I cried, I bawled, despite the fact that Sam and Paul were there, sitting on the two chairs next to mine. I let my face rest in my hands, and I let myself break down as I sat here in Emily's kitchen; the unremarkable room that bore no offense whatsoever to your average, everyday mortal. Why did this have to happen to _me, _out of all the people in the world? Why Sam? Hadn't he already suffered enough? Why Paul? If anything, his already short temper was even worse.

"Stupid, damn leeches," I mumbled. Sam put one large, calloused hand on my shoulder in an almost fatherly way.

"I feel the same way about them, Jared. Paul does too. You caught a glimpse of our minds when you phased. We feel the same way. Remember that you're not alone, Jared," he said in that calm, cool, and collected voice of his. I couldn't help but admire the guy. He had gone through the exact same thing that Paul and I had gone through, except worse. There had been no one, _no one, _there to help him, to guide him. I can't even imagine how much that must've sucked for him. And yet, he didn't seem to be completely absorbed in bitterness, like I was. In fact, I could practically feel the red haze just waiting to cover my sight, and the tremors waiting to creep down my spine.

"Get a hold of yourself, Jared. You don't want to end up like me, now, do you?" Paul sighed. I just stared at him in response, my face blotchy and swollen from my little "episode."

I had phased for the first time four days ago, a week after Paul's first time. When Paul phased, I heard nothing of him for about six days, and he wasn't at school. On that fateful seventh day, I finally found him, hanging with Sam. When he told me he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, that he could no longer hang out with me, I had been furious, more than furious. When I thought about it, thirteen years of being best buds down the drain, just to put it simply, I exploded. In about an hour, when I realized I wasn't a loon, I understood that I was a werewolf; a myth, a freak of nature. At least Paul was my friend again and Sam was a good alpha.

"Jared, I think you and Paul will have to go back to school tomorrow, or the day after," said Sam solemnly, interrupting my thoughts. Paul and I groaned in unison. I hadn't even begun to think about the horrors that awaited us not in the woods, which, apparently, were traveled in by bloodsuckers not unlike the repulsive "Cullens," but in school. People were bound to question us about where we had been, and why we wouldn't be their friends anymore, and now I would have to focus on not turning into a giant, mutant wolf. That had to be worse than ripping some leech to shreds.

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet, Sam," I said, my voice thick with weariness. It was true. It would be me against the world. Sam considered me for a minute.

"Hm. I guess I can give you another week to perfect your self control. Yes, I think that would be a good idea. We can have you phasing and killing all the poor, innocent little normal people," he said, a tad bit of sarcasm coloring his voice. "You too, Paul; no offense, but you've got yourself a few anger management issues."

Paul just nodded, a resigned look on his face. There was no way that he was looking forward to school, either. At that very moment, nothing in the world seemed less important than getting good grades.


	2. Pushed too early

Just to sum it up, the day so far had NOT gone well. It was just as I'd feared it would be; everyone had bombarded me with the most stupid, ridiculous questions.

"Where were you, Jared?"

"Were you ditching, Jared?"

"Were you really sick, Jared? Did you have mono or something?"

"Why are you cussing me out, Jared?"

"Why can't you just talk to us, Jared?"

Questions like these had come from everyone, and I mean EVERYONE; students, teachers, PTA moms who liked to gossip, you name it. Perhaps the most stupid, annoying question of them all:

"Are you okay, Jared?"

No, of course I wasn't okay! Sure as hell I wasn't okay! It took everything I had not to phase right then and there in the middle of that crowded hallway and attack all those moronic "question askers." I ran. I slammed the big double doors at the end of the hallway aside as I burst out into the rare sunlight. As I did this, I heard one last question:

"Where are you going, Jared?"

"Can't any of you people freaking leave me alone?!?!?!" I snarled back, not knowing or caring who'd had the nerve to ask me that. I ran until I was out of their view, and finally, when I could stand it no longer, I let go of all my self control and let myself explode into my wolf form. I could feel the world around me with my heightened senses; I could see for hundreds of yards, smell the oncoming rain, and hear the piercing cry of a bird somewhere deep in the forest. I was finally alone. Instead of entering that forest, which was what I'd originally intended to do, I ran down to First Beach instead, fast as lighting. I turned back into my oversized human form and jogged over the smooth large stones, each with its own intricate patterns and texture, its own shade of grey, its own tale of formation, and its own personality. I had never felt so in-tune with nature before. I dove into the calm, shallow waves. The cold, salty water felt good against my naked, blazing body. I floated there for who-knows-how long before I the gentle tossing of the waves, the cool, crisp air, and the occasional calls of seagulls calmed me down, and my fingers and toes were starting to look a little pruny, as if I'd spent too long taking a bath. I swan back to dry land, surprised yet again at my new speed and power. I phased again and shook off my sodden fur. I ran to the area where I had exploded into this form earlier and again turned back into a human. After a few minutes of looking, I found the tattered remains of my jeans and my t-shirt. As I pulled them on, I realized that somehow, the loose change hadn't fallen out of my ripped pocket. Actually, it was miraculous that my clothes were still wearable. I walked back to the school, taking my time. I didn't go in. I wasn't going through that again. I walked around the building until I found the pay phone near the office and visitors' entrance. I threw in my loose change and called Sam's house. Instead of the deep, masculine voice I'd been expecting, a soft female voice answered.

"Hello? This is Emily, who's speaking?"

"Oh. Hi, Emily. This is Jared. I was wondering if I can come to Sam's house. I lost it at school, and my clothes are kind of ruined now. My parents are both at work, and besides, I don't think they'd want me to come home. They're terrified of me now," I replied, unable to keep the bitterness and sarcasm out of my voice.

"That's ok, Jared. Sam had to go to a meeting with the tribe elders regarding a couple of other boys that look like they might become part of the Pack soon, but Paul came earlier. He was losing his temper, so he held a frozen water bottle to his head, which brought his temperature down to about one-oh-one, and pretended to be sick. Naturally, the nurse sent him home. Sam thinks maybe he pushed you two back into school a little too early. He's going to give you and Paul the rest of the week to get used to other human beings before you go back, I think," Emily said.

"Well, that's a certainly a plus. I'm coming over there now, then. Bye, Emily." I hung up the phone and sighed with relief. If there was anything I _wasn't _ready for, it was school.


	3. Imprint

I had been enduring half-days of school for almost two weeks, claiming that I was seeing a physical therapist to regain my strength after having mono. I could tell that lots of my peers were getting suspicious; I was bigger and stronger than ever, and I had the highest grade in the school in my weight training class.

"Wow, Jared, that physical therapy program must be doing you wonders," people would often say to me while passing by in the hallways. I learned to ignore those who tried to provoke me. It got easier every day; though I was no where near Sam's almost complete mastery of self-control, I no longer had to flee school to phase.

That day after school, I made the decision that would ultimately lead to an event – as some might call it – that would change my life forever. I was no longer going to be a wimp, a coward. I was ready to face the music.

"Sam," I said as I lounged in a folding chair next to him and Paul outside his house one day, "I'm ready to try school full time. I'm learning to get a hold of myself when I'm angry, and I have enough self-control to know when it's time to leave if anyone really pisses me off."

Sam nodded. "I trust you, Jared. I'm sure you'll be able to handle it," he said encouragingly. "However, I think Paul should keep doing half days for a while. No offense, Paul."

Despite Sam's light tone, Paul looked a little offended. "You know, If I wasn't aware that that's the complete truth, I would be angry," he muttered.

"Exactly my point," remarked Sam. "Maybe in another week or two."

I was back in school, for real this time. Lunch had just ended, and I was off to my English class for the first time in almost a month. So far the day had gone all right, to say the least. I slid into my seat, at ease.

"Jared, I'm sorry, but that's no longer your seat. Now you sit in the back, next to Kim," my teacher, Mrs. Aakant, told me. "And I'll expect to see all the make-up work from you by the end of next week. Even having mono doesn't get you out of homework."

I rolled my eyes as I turned around and headed up the aisle. I sat down in my new desk, not even glancing at the girl who now sat next to me. The seat was cracked down the middle and sank under my weight. The desktop was heavily graffitied. I frowned to myself. I didn't like the new seating arrangement. At least I wouldn't be in the center of the room, the center off attention, anymore.

The bell rang shrilly, interrupting my thoughts, and Mrs. Aakant handed out papers that we were to take notes on.

"Jared, may I borrow a pen? Mine ran out of ink," a soft, shy female voice asked. It must've been Kim, the one Mrs. Aakant had mentioned. I had never really noticed her before. We had never had a real conversation.

"Sure, I guess so," I answered, fishing a pen out of my backpack and slipping it to her. As she thanked my, my eyes snapped up and met hers.

Suddenly, I realized I was drooling. But that didn't matter. Not the way it would've before, in the dark ages, before I had looked up into those eyes. How long had I been staring, anyway? Why hadn't I ever looked before? Kim was so . . . indescribable. Her skin was like silk. Her dark eyes glimmered beautifully. Her hair was well-kept, and it was just the right shade. Her lips had a perfect double curve. Her perfect skin darkened with embarrassment as I stared, but I couldn't bring myself to look away. Kim was perfect. What other word could be used to describe her every feature? _Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect._ Kim was _not_ the ordinary, insignificant girl I had been moronic enough to think she was. No, Kim was everything. Without her, the whole universe would fall to pieces. My heart pounded. No, there could be no world without Kim. That world would be a cruel, disgusting place. Kim was _everything._


	4. Jared's Emo Moment

I wasn't sure. At this point, I wasn't sure about anything. I examined the pocketknife I was holding in my hand. I doubted that it could do much harm to my superhuman body, but maybe I'd still die if I plunged it into my heart. Could it possibly be worth it?

Life these days was getting to be just too much, it seemed. My parents didn't understand me, not like they ever had, and nor would they ever. And that was just my parents. School was downright horrifying, and I hadn't even worked up the guts to ask Kim out yet. I was almost positive I'd get rejected. Why would someone like _her _respond to someone like me? She was perfect in every way. She held the universe together. And what was I but a freak of nature? Kim would probably run screaming if I ever told her the truth about me, who I really was.

The rest of the Pack had problems of their own to deal with. Jacob, who had first phased very recently, was all torn up over some girl who liked to hang around with leeches. Sam's ex girlfriend who he loved a whole darn lot before he imprinted on Emily, Leah, was giving him hell as usual. Poor guy. Paul was still having some trouble keeping his anger under control. No surprise there. And then there was Embry, who seemed to dwell in his own thoughts most of the time. No, my brothers had other things to do than give me advice and life help.

If I died, would anyone be sad? I wasn't sure about my parents. Then again, when was I ever? The Pack, maybe; I was close enough to them that they might be affected in some way if I were to mysteriously drop dead. They could hear my thoughts, though, so committing suicide might not have been the easiest solution in the first place.

If I phased right before I performed that unthinkable act of finally letting my restless, boiling blood taint the ground, my brothers would hear and understand, and being the noble wolves that they were, it was quite possible that they could try to stop me. I could probably find a way around that, though. I didn't have to phase. I hated phasing. Phasing was what had brought my life to this point of despair in the first place!

It wouldn't be so bad. I'd be free from all the pain and misunderstanding of this dark, imperfect, insensitive world. I leaned back in my little chair on Emily's porch and continued to gaze at the knife and contemplate this new idea.

Right then, I decided to conduct a little experiment. I slashed the knife's blade against the soft, light skin right beneath my left palm. To my surprise, I felt a sharp stab of pain. I pulled the now bloodstained knife away. Well, I wasn't indestructible, but at least I wasn't made of rock, like the bloodsuckers. Blood was already pulsing to the surface of the small cut, and yet at the same time, it was already starting to heal.

Still, I had a real decision to face now. That knife would break the delicate skin covering my pounding heart so easily, and it would be over so quickly . . . obviously, _that_ wasn't a wound that would heal so easily. I'd be dead before the mark had a chance to fade. As I thought and thought about it, the idea of suicide began to appeal to me more and more.

_Well, I guess I should just get it over with. Forget phasing. It doesn't matter what the others think. This is just too much, _I thought.

As I raised the knife and prepared to bring it down, I felt a pang of the finality of it all. With that stab, it would be all over. Forever. As I started to bring that blade toward my heart, time seemed to stop. This was it, it was all over. So this was what it felt like, mere seconds away from the end.

As I braced myself for the final blow, a car suddenly came by, out of the blue, stirring up the gravel. It was a battered green SUV and the windows were too heavily tinted for me to see the driver. As it passed, I caught a glimpse of the bright yellow license plate. I didn't catch what state it was, but I did notice two small but significant words at the bottom: _choose life_.

Now, I'd like to say that that plate gave me some sort of major epiphany moment and changed my entire lifestyle, or something life that. After all, it _had _to be a sign of some sort. That didn't exactly happen, seeing as I still get depressed sometimes, though not nearly as often as when this all happened. However, that's not to say it didn't affect me at all. In my shock, I dropped the knife, and pure adrenaline pulsed through my veins. The knife clattered down to the gravel.

It was still there. I could still pick up that seemingly small tool and finish what I'd started. But the next few things that entered my mind were what turned the situation around.

Of course, a small voice in my head still screamed, _Get it over with! End it all!_ But this time, a larger, stronger voice drowned it out.

_If you kill yourself, even if you end up in heaven, you won't be at peace because Kim won't be there with you. She'll be in a completely different world, and thus heaven will become hell for some time. And when she dies and joins you up there, she'll think you're a selfish coward because you couldn't handle this world and possibly affected all your friends forever by committing suicide._

I jumped to my feet, smoothly knocking my chair over. Damn! That couldn't happen! I couldn't have Kim hating me for all eternity! Even if she wasn't fond of me now- and I didn't know, maybe she liked me after all! – She had no reason to hate me! And she never would if I was careful around her and never performed that foolish act that I'd just been pigheaded enough to contemplate!

With that, I decided there had to be another way to solve my problems. I let myself into Emily's house. If anyone wasn't too busy to talk to me and help me sort out my problems, it was her. Emily had always been there for the rest of us, especially Sam.

And there was nothing better than Emily's warm, fresh-baked muffins to soothe a troubled mind.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! It was certainly a lot of fun to write! The license plate thing was loosely based on an even in my own life. Please review if you get the time so I can make my stories better.**


End file.
